Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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