Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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