Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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