Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
