Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
