How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
