We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
