haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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