this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
