It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
