Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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