You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
