I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
