I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
