We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
