So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
