i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
