i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
