It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
