that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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