We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize