Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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