Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
