Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
