Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
