She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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