The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
