she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
