So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
