So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
