Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
