the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
