This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
