i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
