i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize