We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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