I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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