Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
