I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
