I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
