Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
