i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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