yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
