WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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