I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i dont even know how to be here
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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