I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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