Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
