i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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