i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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