i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
