we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
