he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
