i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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