I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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