remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Randomize
