I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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