Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize