He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
