I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She bit a glass in half.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
