How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
