Please, let me fuck your mom
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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