Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's the barista slut.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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