laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize