well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize