wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
