we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
