Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
