You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
