Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
