The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
