I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
