you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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