My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love you. Go after that dick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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