Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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