i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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