ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have aggressive nipples.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
